The Best Year Ever 2.0: What I’ll Do in Round Two
Hard as it is to believe, 2018 will mark the ten-year anniversary of the beginning of my Best Year Ever. Apart from making me feel the icy hand of time running its fingers up my spine (not really, but it sounds dramatic), the anniversary has also gotten me thinking: What would I do if I could take a second year to pursue twelve more adventures I’ve always dreamed of doing?
I can’t say for certain that I’ll be able to get all of these accomplished in a single year – my life’s pretty different than back in 2008. But even if it takes more than one circumnavigation of the Earth around the sun, when I do embark on The Best Year Ever 2.0, this is a possible list of the adventures I’d like to chase:
Play a Round of Golf at Augusta National
What golfer wouldn’t want to swing the sticks at this famed course, designed by Bobby Jones and Alister MacKenzie, where immortals from Jack Nicklaus to Tiger Woods have slipped on the famed green jacket? I’m dying to test my mettle on the classic holes that form Amen Corner – avoiding the pond with my approach on the par-4 #11, hitting an 8-iron the perfect distance on the par-3 #12, and curving it around the bend with my drive and then going for the green in two on the par-5 #13. There’s no way that shot sequence would ever happen for me in reality, but a duffer can dream, can’t he?
Run as Cinco, the Spicy Chorizo, in the Milwaukee Brewers Famous Sausages Race
I tried to score this one for the book, but fell short due to a cruel reversal by the Brewers. This time, I’d call in whatever favors are necessary, stage a hunger strike, enter a sausage eating contest, etc. – whatever it takes. You’re not familiar with the sublime pleasures of the Brewers Famous Sausages race, which takes place during the sixth inning of every home game? Well, allow me to educate you. The sausages are:
- Brett Wurst, the bratwurst.
- Stosh Jonjak, the Polish sausage.
- Guido, the Italian sausage who wears a chef’s outfit.
- Frankie Furter, the hot dog (not to be confused with the Tim Curry character from the Rocky Horror Picture Show).
- Cinco, the sombrero-wearing spicy chorizo.
Because what are a few ethnic stereotypes between friends, right? Still, Cinco will be mine. Oh yes. He will be mine.
Guest Conduct/Sing “Take Me out to the Ballgame” During the Seventh-Inning Stretch at Wrigley Field
If you’ve followed baseball even a little bit, you’re familiar with the sight and sound of the late, great Harry Caray leading Cubs fans at Wrigley Field in the baseball classic, often sounding as though he had been (even if this wasn’t the case) keeping the press box beer vendor busy since the bottom of the fourth. If you haven’t had the privilege, check it out.
Now that Harry’s gone to the great pub in the sky, all manner of guests have led the singing of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” from Mike Ditka to Bill Murray to Eddie Vedder. It’s my turn.
Meet a President in the Oval Office
Anyone can shake a presidential hand on the campaign trail, but to get into the Oval Office requires some serious juice. Unless I can be named ambassador to some banana republic, I think my best bet here is to get involved with a really important charitable cause—the war against male pattern baldness or some such thing. Better get to work; I’ve got a world to save and presidential flesh to press.
Visit Jerusalem and the Holy Land
Two thousand years of religious, political, and archeological history? Yeah, that’s for me. While the rest of the world is dealing in minutes and seconds, time in the Holy Land is measured in millennia. One of the deepest experiences in my book was a visit to Rome to see St. Peter’s Basilica and celebrate mass with the Pope. I can only imagine how incredible it would be to walk in the footsteps of the main man himself.
Watch the Wimbledon Men’s or Women’s Championship Final
Some of the greatest moments in tennis have come amid the strawberries and cream of Wimbledon—including one of my favorites, John McEnroe’s infamous 1981 “You cannot be serious!” tirade against a poor line judge. But apart from the infamy, there’s something Old World and magnificent about watching athletes like Serena Williams or Rafael Nadal ply their trade in all-white among such genteel English tradition. Tickets are not easy to come by, but I am crafty, work for a London-based company, and know my way around a crumpet. I’ll make this one happen.
Learn to DJ
This one should be off limits to middle-aged white guys, you say? Worried that I’m going to fill the room with the song stylings of Survivor or Hootie and the Blowfish? Worry not. I’m fluent in everything from ambient dub to acid trance. Although I might have to slip in an Eddie Money mash-up just for the humor of it.
Visit the Great Wall of China and the Forbidden City
While not the most unique adventure – the Forbidden City is the most-visited tourist attraction in the world, seen by more than 14 million people a year – this is another one that really helps broaden your world view. The Forbidden City was constructed beginning in 1406 – over eight decades before Columbus set sail for the New World – and was used as the Chinese imperial palace until 1920. As for the Great Wall, it’s not really visible from space, but it is the longest fortification ever built by man, and even a lame Matt Damon movie doesn’t diminish its grandeur. Plus, there’s even a marathon run atop one section, and I figure if I did it in Chicago, maybe I can do it again in China.
Fly with the Blue Angels
Because I’ve always wanted to see vomit vaporize at Mach 3. Because I’m a lawyer and think the law of gravity should be repealed. Because flying with the world’s finest Navy and Marine Corps aviators, even as a passenger, would be an incredible honor. And because I want to see if I can Maverick a way to not pass out while pulling nine Gs. Cue up “Highway to the Danger Zone,” please.
Visit the D-Day Beaches of Normandy
No humor here. Just reverence and respect. The Blue Angels would be all about adrenaline and fun, but let’s face it, there’s nothing fun about war. In 1944, more than one million Allied troops (when you combine infantry and airborne soldiers) risked their lives walking into machine gun fire or dropping behind enemy lines in order to liberate France from the Nazis. I’d like to walk those beaches and those fields and reflect. Maybe say a prayer of thanks.
Visit Florence
While I’m in Europe, maybe I’ll take a detour to the birthplace of the Renaissance, Florence. The cradle of high Western culture and home to masters from Michelangelo to Caravaggio has so much to see: the Duomo, the statue of David, the Uffizi museum with its many portraits of the infamous Medici family and Botticelli’s “The Birth of Venus,” the Ponte Vecchio, the cathedral of Santa Maria Novella, and much more. I even want to see a Florence pickpocket with a prop arm (sometimes used to hold a baby while the real arm lifts your wallet) and eat Florentine gelato while walking in Leonardo’s footsteps.
Attend the Kentucky Derby
With American Pharaoh breaking a 37-year drought for Triple Crown winners, maybe a tiny bit of the mystique has departed the race, but the Derby remains the “most exciting two minutes in sports.” I want to attend wearing a seersucker suit, straw boater, and cravat, drink an intemperate number of mint juleps, and sing “My Old Kentucky Home” at an embarrassing volume.
And that would be, as Sinatra said, a very good year.
